A Day in the Life or How Did I End Up Here

 This is what anxiety covid style looks like anytime I have to go out of my house.  I had to go to the post office today.  It's ok.  I know it will be busy, even first thing, but I'm using the machine so it's all good.  Even so,  I'm anxious as I leave my house because I'm anxious anytime I leave my house.  My house is safe, outside isn't safe.  Other people - even friends - are just potential germ carriers.

So I get my stuff together, put my coat on, grab my mask, my hand sanitizer and away we go... I arrive at the post office only to discover that I can't use the machine.  I actually have to go in the god awful line. So now, I'm really anxious because, in addition to being out of the house, I am now doing something unanticipated. Not good.

I go to get in line when some woman barges into me, telling me I need to wait outside as she is leaving.  I am unsettled but still manage to get out happy holidays.  I hope it reminds her to be a little kinder.  I enter and wait.  It is ok.  Everyone is more than 6 feet apart and the line is moving quickly  Still I feel unsettled.  The woman in front of me turns around and kindly tells me that my coat is on backward.  I tell her "yeah, it's been that kind of day".  (Chuck Yeager died and he was my Dad's hero and my Dad's birthday is right around the corner so today was already going to be hard even without COVID) I feel the tears sting the back of my eyes and threaten to spill.  Not only am I nervous, unsettled but now, apparently I'm a complete mess with my jacket on inside out.  Oh god, what happened to me.

When I get to the car, my throat is thick and it is hard to swallow.  My pulse is racing and I just feel out of control It isn't good. I practice my breathing exercises as I drive to my next stop. Just a drop off so everything is ok. Things start to get better and as I finally head toward home, most of my physical symptoms are under control.